I Wake up to This Again
by Username1576
Summary: Where the Civil War is actually a Eugenics War, leading to Steve Rogers getting placed in cryosleep with the rest of the supersoldiers after an injury leaves him with no memories. He wakes up in the future and decides to enlist in Star Fleet.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Captain America, Star Trek, or anything about any of the wars. These products belong to their original owners. I just fanfic.**

Okay, so the thing that is upsetting Steve the most is that every time Steve's fought in a war HYDRA has been looming in the background. World War II: Start of HYDRA, Loki: Assistance from SHIELD that was already starting the production of HYDRA weaponry, Ultron: HYDRA supporters, That Almost Civil War: Mutant Registration Act apparently started by a HYDRA operative in hopes of "humanity willingly giving up freedom". And now this, a Eugenics War started in response to the Almost Civil War, and turning it into what would surely be called WWIII. Oh, great, Steve's now lived through three World Wars when Earth had all come to the collective agreement that these wars were bad and should be kept far apart, and here lays Steve with Bucky somewhere near him, two men alive for all of them.

Steve's maybe a little bitter. He thinks it might not be as bad if he wasn't so tired of all of this fighting. Actually, that's a lie. Steve can't imagine he wouldn't be bitter about all of this, at the sheer amount of destruction wrought on innocents, and that even after everything he's seen happen he still believes humanity will continue to wage wars. He's resigned himself to it, Steve isn't about to become another ULTRON.

It brings him to his next point, though, because the other most upsetting thing is that Steve knows he can also be directly traced as the cause of the Eugenics War. Captain America is one of the first publicly known cases of human genetic enhancement, and he also started the spur of scientist across the globe enhancing other humans to try and recreate the Supersoldier Serum. Then, people started to succeed in creating some kind of enhancement and it became a scientific field of study. With that, also came more public awareness in Mutants, and the start of Charles Xavier's school, and all of a sudden people became more and more aware of how many enhanced humans there were on Earth. Then, as if the situation wasn't already fragile enough, the Earth finds out there are also aliens in the world, and they were declaring war. Finally came the icing on the whole cake: SHIELD (HYDRA) had actually been experimenting with Steve's unconscious body before all the aliens happened, and had successfully created 100 other supersoldiers in three years. Even better, SHIELD had told Steve that they were other humans experimented on and rescued, choosing to fight with SHIELD, and had Steve lead them. Those very same soldiers also chose to fight with him when the fight over the Registration Act began much to his eternal confusion, and they stayed behind him when the Eugenics War broke out after their existence was discovered and the rest of the world decided to take personal affect.

Now here Steve sits, behind jail cell bars, awaiting punishment for his war crimes. The Supreme Court had decided he was the leader of the enhanced/mutant rebellion (which was technically true) and as such, was now a proven criminal in the eyes of the law. He would leave for the final hearing would be in a couple of minutes, where the jury will finally decide on his innocence and he would find out his sentence. If found guilty, Steve only hoped that he would receive a quick death. He's lived too long, he thinks, he can feel the weight of all of his years, both in the ice and outside of it, resting on his shoulders, as well as the guilt of the war he knows he caused.

A clanging sounds from the other side of the cell. Steve looks up to see there is someone on the other side of the cell. He starts to stand, thinking it's his guard, come to take him to the court room, but the person on the other side holds out their hand to make him stop. Steve pauses, and takes a better look at the person on the other side. They're wearing the white and blue uniform of a prison guard, but, Steve notes, it looks more ill-fitting on this person than the normal uniform. The cloth is too small, stretching out at the shoulders and torso, the pants a little too high and a strand of long dark hair managed to escape from the "guard's" cap. Steve knows who it is instantly.

"Bucky," he asks, "why did you come here?"

Bucky steps a little closer to the cell and now Steve can see his face clearly from beneath the cap. He looks worn-out and tired, even more so than usual, and his shoulders are slouched in a way that lets Steve know he's feeling guilty about something.

"I wanted to say a final goodbye while I still got the chance," Bucky replies gruffly.

Steve sighs, "We don't know for sure what's gonna happen, Buck."

Bucky scoffs in reply. "Then I'm just covering my bases. Chances are you're going to get some kind of conviction, and then they're going after me and all the other people who fought with us. Even if you do walk away, I don't think I'll get another chance to talk to you for a long while. Might as well get it over with now."

Bucky is glaring at Steve as well, daring the captain to try and challenge the truth of his words. Steve doesn't, he knows Bucky is right, but he doesn't like needing to admit that. It makes it seem like he's well and truly lost this fight, and Bucky as well. But if this is to be the final time either of them here from each other, he's sure as hell going to make it as pleasant as possible.

"Fine," he relents, "but if we're gonna do this, then there's one thing I need you to know right now. Whatever happens today, it was my choice to start this fight, and I was well aware of all of the risks I was taking. I don't regret fighting for you- never have, never will- you are my best guy and you will always be worth it. If this really is our final goodbye, I need you to always remember that, you had my 6 Before and I got yours now. 'Til the end of the line."

Bucky nods. "I never wanted any of this to happen to you. You deserved so much more happiness than you've gotten and I'll never forgive myself for being part of the cause of that- no, don't butt in. You found me, tried your best to save me, and fought for me and I'll always be grateful for that. I know you don't regret it, Steve, but I regret putting you in this position. I absolutely hate that I'm part of the reason you're behind bars, and it'll absolutely destroy me if you die. I'll be watching the trial, and if you are going to die, I'm turning myself in. Don't you dare try to stop me, I deserve it."

With nothing else he can do, Steve only nods and accepts it. Bucky moves closer to hold out his flesh arm and Steve reaches through the bars to grip it at the forearm. Bucky returns the gesture, and they hold the position for a few seconds before Bucky pulls away again, disappearing from view within seconds.

Steve hears the sound of boots approaching and resigns himself to whatever fate awaits him in the courtroom.

He never finds out what it is because as Steve is walking up the stairs to the courtroom, he catches a glimpse of blonde hair glint in the sun and suddenly Sharon Carter is standing in his line of sight. She's wearing her CIA uniform, and Steve has just enough time to see her raise a gun before he hears a shot go off and the world goes black.

* * *

He feels awareness creep into him and he is so, so, cold.

* * *

Steve wakes up lying down on some sort of bed. It feels wrong, and he is struck with a sense of de ja vu. Steve groans and tries to sit up, but a hand on his shoulder stops him. He looks up to see a middle-aged man in a mesh blue long shirt over a black undershirt.

"Take it easy, you've been unconscious for a long time," the man tells him.

Something about that strikes fear in Steve's chest and he feels dizzy and unbalanced, even though he's lying flat on his back. He doesn't know why, but it suddenly feels imperative he find out just how long he's been unconscious.

Steve tries to voice his question, but his mouth is dry and making any sort of movement in his mouth feels like someone took a roll of tape, unrolled it in his mouth, and then went to town tearing it off. The man seems to know what Steve wants, though, and gives Steve a small pat on the shoulder that does absolutely nothing to abate the growing fear in Steve's stomach.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to go for it," he says not unkindly. "We found you in the wreckage of a ship near Delta Vega. You were the only one we found, contained in a cryotube, which is the only reason you survived. I'm sorry, but we have no idea what happened to the rest of your crew."

Steve frowns. None of that seems right. He doesn't know what this man is talking about. The man seems to know what Steve is thinking again, and Steve can't help but think that the man must be a mind reader.

"What's the last thing you remember?" He asks.

Steve opens his mouth to respond, but closes it again as he realizes he doesn't know. When he tries to think back, he draws up a blank except for maybe snippets of _something_. He can't actually recall what. Maybe blonde hair?

Now he can't stop freaking out, and Steve runs a hand through his hair, seriously freaking out. He wants to get up, needs to move, but something holds him back. An instinct in the back of his mind that tells him he doesn't want to know what he'll find if he tries to leave. A pained whimper of panic escapes his throat, and the grating of his throat that accompanies the sound.

The man pats Steve on the shoulder yet again, possibly trying to soothe him, but Steve doesn't feel anything.

"It'll be okay," the man tries to reassure, "we're heading to the nearest Star Fleet outpost that can take you to Earth as soon as possible, you'll be able to find out everything you need to know soon."

The words help him a little, but Steve still feels off-balance by this whole situation.

"Do you know your name?" The man asks him, suddenly. Steve feels himself frown at the randomness of it, but he finds that he does know the answer.

"Steve. Steve Rogers," he manages to croak out.

"Well, Steve Rogers, let's get you fully recovered so you can be prepared to leave."

* * *

The Star Fleet outpost they take him to lets him board a shuttle for free when his situation is explained. From there, he shows up at one of the Star Fleet medical buildings and again explains his situation. Steve goes through a couple of apparently routine tests, tells them his name, and is given a pamphlet and some sort of phone with a promise that they'll get back to him with any information they find.

Apparently getting amnesiac, newly unfrozen popsicles of a human are par for the course here. The pamphlet, he finds to his delight, is not only bigger than it looks, but also _very_ informative.

* * *

Steve, armed with some of the necessary knowledge he needs to get by in this century, decides to enlist in Star Fleet. For some reason he can't quite name, it feels right to be a part of this facet of the future. He thinks that maybe he did something similar Before, it could match up with his memories of some sort of crash. Maybe he had been a peace worker then, or perhaps served in some kind of army. That would explain his dog tags. Either way, Steve boards a shuttle that takes him to the Academy where he receives a cadet uniform, dorm listing, a key card to be programmed, and another list of required class followed by open elections for his focus.

Steve's dorm mate is a young man of seemingly Russian descent. When Steve asks, the boy tells Steve that he is 13 and is named "Chekov, Pavlov Andres" and that he's studying advanced physics so that he may one be a ship navigator. Looking at all of the different tomes and various study materials the boy owns, Steve decides he won't question it. He's still in that hazy state of mind where he has trouble finding something that fazes him enough to actually voice a reaction. There's so many things Steve doesn't know anything about, it feels stupid to even consider questioning someone else's competence. Instead, Steve introduces himself and admits that he's still considering all of his options.

"Really? Do you at least have a general idea what you want?" Chekov questions, sounding genuinely concerned.

Steve feels the familiar rush of embarrassment run through him as he looks down at the ground. "Um, kind of? I was considering either security or culture. Is it bad I haven't chosen anything yet?"

"No, no, nothing wrong with that. It's just that classes fill up quickly, so you might want to decide soon," Chekov explains. There's no trace of mocking or incredulity towards Steve in his voice and body language. Steve appreciates it, and decides in that moment that he likes Chekov.

"Oh, right. Hadn't considered that, thank you," Steve tells him earnestly. "Do you happen to know where I can enroll?"

"Sure, I'll take you there," Chekov tells him. He hops off his bunk, and Steve moves to follow him. They walk through the doors and Chekov leads Steve through the labyrinth of dorm rooms until they reach a giant set of doors at the front of the building. They push one open and enter a main pavilion of sorts. There are signs hung up at different areas, denoting the subject each area covers. Various students mill around, occasionally stopping at a table to press something on the screen and then move on. This must be the main enrollment area.

"Thank you," Steve tells the Russian boy once again. Steve's already moving down the set of steps that lead to the pavilion from their building. Chekov is still standing near Steve, so apparently he also needs to do some enrolling.

"It's no problem, I forgot about an extra elective I wanted to enroll in anyway," Chekov replies, confirming Steve's belief. They both make their way to the center of the pavilion, where Chekov crosses over to a section reading 'ASTROPHYSICS' and Steve turns to find something for either one of his interests. He spots a sign declaring sports and combat training, and makes his way over. There is a large range of things he can choose from, and he feels compelled to go over to the hand-to-hand booth and add his name to the roster for a time slot he knows won't conflict with any of his mandatory classes. On an impulse, he also adds some sort of sport where the athlete throws around a flat metal disc and tries to hit as many trajectory points as possible within a room. He doesn't know what makes him do it, but the strange game seems familiar and Steve can't quite ignore that feeling enough to walk away from anything that triggers it.

Steve walks through the entire section, and doesn't see anything else that catches his eye. He knows he still has about two other slots he can fill and still keep up with whatever course load he receives and any research he'll need to conduct to get by. So, letting impulse guide him once again, Steve walks around the pavilion to see the other classes. That's when he gets completely side-tracked by the liberal arts section. There's an art history booth that has set up a slide-show of contemporary art from all time-periods. Steve finds himself strangely drawn towards it and itching for something to draw with. Maybe he was an artist before? Steve signs up for the class, and also ends up promising to check out a club focused on 20th century art styles.

Steve makes his way back to his dorm smiling and confident in his decision to join Star Fleet.

* * *

Okay, so it turns out Steve really loves it at the academy. He was pleasantly surprised to find that not only did he know how to draw, but he absolutely _loved_ to doodle when he had free time, or when he needed to focus on something other than an endless stream of words he was barely processing. And _sparring_ \- he had to hold back sometimes because he had more strength than he expected, but he loved the release of tension it gave him, and he also found out that he had a vast armada of instinct to use mixed martial arts while fighting. His first day fighting, his opponent had tried to punch him in the gut and Steve had simply moved out of the way with a speed and grace he wasn't aware he had, and flipped his opponent all the way around before pinning the poor man on the ground with Steve's knee on the other man's back and Steve's left arm keeping the man's hand and arms pinned to the man's back and sides. After, Steve had to explain his whole memory loss situation, but promised his instructor that now that he was aware, Steve would be more careful about his fighting in the future. The thing is, though, Steve only has to hold back with certain people, some of the other students in his class can either take Steve's strength, or are even stronger than him, and Steve thoroughly enjoys going all out with those people just to see who can best the other. It makes him feel great afterwards, and Steve is assured that the same goes for his sparring partners, so they all get-together outside of class every once in a while and just go at it.

Then, there are Steve's actual classes. He learns all about the history of Earth that he missed, gets to learn all kinds of things about space and Federation ships. Then, he also learns some general math and science, and has daily lectures on alien cultures and other cultural influences and it's all just so _fascinating_ to Steve. And sure, there are some times when Steve just feels so overwhelmed with the amount of things he doesn't know, that everyone else in his class seems to know about, and Steve just wants to turn away and not deal with his frustrating lack of memory. There are days when he is awoken in a cold sweat, heart gripped by fear of something he doesn't know he fears yet still feels the weight of that fear. Sometimes he gets snippets of memories, of people from Before and he is swallowed down by the grief of the people he must have left behind who knows how many years ago, and he feels an ice-cold chill seep into his bones, heavy from the thought of how old he chronologically is. Those days, Steve will withdraw for a couple of hours, keep to himself while he tries to overcome his feelings.

Steve doesn't know how the boy knows, but Chekov can always just tell when one of these moods have settled on Steve, and sometimes he'll leave the dorm and let Steve have some quiet, alone time. Other times, Chekov will just sit down on the shared couch they bought for the dorm and pull up a holovid for an old, but popular show or movie because Chekov is just as behind on pop culture as Steve is and they'll just sit there and watch. And when the weight of everything that he's lost settles in, and Steve finds himself consumed by his grief and too tired to not show it, Chekov will make some sort of soup he said he grew up eating, and sit next to Steve's bedside and share stories of his life in Russia. Steve doesn't think he'll ever be able to repay the Russian for everything he has done for Steve. Chekov only knows that Steve had lost his memory, and that he had lost a lot of things very important to him before it happened, but he still tries his best to cheer Steve up, and Steve will always respect Chekov for that. They become very close friends because of it, and Steve values that friendship highly. So yeah, sure things aren't all good, but Steve absolutely loves his life at Star Fleet. It's the only real thing he has.

* * *

Upon Steve's second year at the academy, he changes his focus from 'Undecided' to 'Culture and Research'. He's still bunking with Chekov, neither of them willing to change dorms after becoming such good friends the year before. Chekov is 15 now, and he's already getting all sorts of acclamations from his professors, and recognition for his unique genius. Steve's proud of him, in the way an obnoxious older brother is, and insists on baking something for Chekov when the boy is promoted to advanced navigation classes a year early. Chekov is a little petulant about it, claiming that the Fleet didn't move him up higher because they didn't want someone who wasn't even technically at the legal driving age to be running a ship's navigation systems. Steve listens to him rant a little while he made strawberry tarts because anything with strawberry in it was guaranteed to make the Russian happy.

It's only after he's already finished them and Chekov is happily praising Steve's cooking skills and asking questions that Steve realizes he literally has no idea how he knows this recipe and where he got it from.

If Chekov notices the way Steve's suddenly tensed up after realizing, he doesn't mention anything about it.

* * *

Steve is about halfway through his third year in the academy, going through a minor bout of helplessness over the nightmare he kept having of a metal arm glinting in the sun before crashing down to deliver a deadly blow to his face. Every time he closes his eyes, Steve thinks he can start to form the face of the person the arm belongs to, but then it fills him with so much _pain_ he has to take a deep breath and tries to move on, but the image won't stop bothering him.

Chekov decides to stay in the dorm, and pulls up a holovid to start playing. "Today, we go even more old school!" he announces gleefully.

Steve is sitting on their couch, cross-legged and trying to stare at anything that doesn't remind him of that damn arm. Chekov turns on the vid and flops down on their couch and shoves his head on Steve's lap, playfully kicking up a fuss until Steve starts petting the young man's hair. Chekov's hair is curly and soft, and he's let it grow a little longer than he normally would in favor of studying more so he can skip another year of training. He sighs contentedly when Steve runs his hand through the base of the curls before slowly working his way up and dislodging tangles as sensitively as he can. Chekov can hardly be bothered to brush his hair most nights, so Steve usually takes opportunities like this to try and force the Russian's hair into some sort of submission, and Chekov appreciates not needing to make a lot of effort, lazy kid, so Steve finds himself doing this often.

The vid starts up, and Steve sees what Chekov meant by _old school_ because the film isn't even in color it's so old. The title sequence claims the film to be _The Adventures of Captain America and his Howling Commandos_ and Steve feels a pang somewhere deep in his chest.

"Why this?" he asks, because he suddenly feels like he really needs to not watch this movie and he wants to know why.

Chekov looks up a little from his place on Steve's lap, careful not to dislodge Steve's fingers. "It's a classic, everyone tells me. Most of the Americans claim he's an actual super hero, and was a very big figure until he died in 2016."

The pang in Steve's chest grows. "How'd he die? Do you know?" he asks, quietly.

"Shot in the head, or something like that. Apparently he had been a criminal," Chekov replies dismissively. He's already focusing on the movie, trying to absorb everything happening on screen.

In the film, Captain America is talking about some sort of attack on a HYDRA base they need to perform. He's laying out the plan while pointing to various parts of a map and assigning each of the six men around him to some task. The reel cuts to a visual of the team carrying out the same plan outlined and destroying the base. After, they show a close up of Captain America talking to his team, congratulating them on a job well done. The helmet the Captain had been wearing is off now as he stares at the members of his team, and Steve knows that face because he sees it in his reflection every day. Steve tenses up at the same time Chekov voices the same conclusion they both reached.

"Hey, he looks just like you!" Chekov exclaims.

Steve's hand still in the middle of untangling some curls as he just stares at the Captain's face. The man is still talking, and maybe Steve is just trying to make this up so he has something he recognizes, but he swears Captain America's voice also sounds like his. Chekov loos up, concerned, and then panicky when he sees the look on Steve's face. Quickly he pauses the holovid and turns towards his roommate again.

"Maybe it's just coincidence?" Chekov tries. He rests a hand on Steve's arm in a hesitant show of comfort, and Steve snaps out of his daze. Steve blinks a couple of times trying to clear his mind of all the similarities he draws between him and Captain America. He can't.

"I need to go," Steve announces, shooting off the couch. He's pulling on his boots and grabbing his key card while Chekov is struggling to catch up with Steve.

"Where are we going?" Chekov asks in a forced cheerfulness.

Steve glances over, " _I_ am going to the nearest archive and searching for everything I can on Captain America. _You_ should probably go through that chapter on beaming a moving object you were complaining about yesterday."

"I was reading that for fun, going for ship navigator, no need to know how to beam. Besides, if this is going to help you remember something, I want to be there."

Something in Steve makes him fondly think _punk_ , but he is again hit with a flash of that stupid metal arm and a cheeky grin forming that very same word. Steve stumbles, again overcome by a feeling of intense pain. Whoever he's trying to remember is obviously someone of great import to him and Steve feels an irrational pang of guilt at not remembering them.

He sighs and lets Chekov go with him.

* * *

Researching Captain America is a lot harder than either of them had first considered. First, because apparently the man had lived in two different centuries, two different forms of media. Steve starts in the 20th century and is hit with an avalanche of data about not only the Captain, but other projects and events directly influenced by Captain America. Chekov sits in the chair beside Steve and grabs a small reading tablet to help Steve sort through all the information. They link up the two devices and Steve sends him files for projects he thinks might be related, but do not actually involve the Captain other than by name. Then, Steve sorts through what he believes to be propaganda from fact. There is absurdly little in the actual fact list, so Steve checks through the propaganda list again and lets a few more files into the fact list.

Steve goes through and reads everything in the fact list, occasionally turning to Chekov to cross-reference some event and they make their way through. From what they gather, Captain America was the result of genetic experimentation created to serve as a better soldier during a time of great distress. They wanted him to help fight off a man named Hitler who had advanced weaponry and terrorized all of Europe. The Captain went on to lead a group of six other men they called the Howling Commandos who specialized in infiltration and intelligence gathering. They focused most of their efforts on a German science division called HYDRA, because it had apparently been more of a threat than the German armies trying to take control of the entire European continent. HYDRA created the advanced weaponry, and eventually spilt off from the rest of Germany to fulfill its own plans for world domination, led by a man who (if the articles were to be believed beyond simple propaganda) did not have a face; just a red skull. Captain America would later "die" stopping this man's plan to drop really big bombs on every major city in the United States by crashing a plane into the ocean and drowning with it.

Steve thinks about that first memory he had of the cold water rushing up to meet him while he had lain stuck behind a piece of machinery. He wonders if that was the kind of thing Captain America had gone through, crashing that plane, and shudders to think about it. He hopes not, hopes the man had been passed out when he crashed, because he wouldn't wish that experience he had on anyone.

After they get through all of the news of that century, they move on the next. Steve goes through the same process of fact from propaganda and this time he has a lot more fact. Steve isn't really surprised, it's the 21st Century, the era of Technology and Information. Everyone has easy access to the world's knowledge and can do whatever they want with it, sharing everything they know and connecting with people across the globe. Chekov and He are fully immersed in Captain America's story now, wanting to know more and the amount of data they have now makes them both happy.

Captain America survived the plane crash, his DNA is used to create a full squadron of other supersoldiers while he fights with a new group called The Avengers, who become known as superheroes after they fight off an attack in Manhattan caused by one of the member's brother. The event is named the first large-scale hostile contact with aliens, only preceded by an attack in New Mexico led by the same brother who sent down a large robot that levelled half the city. Three years later, Captain America is listed as a fugitive running from the law before he takes down the organization he works for. The early articles name him a terrorist for violently taking down objects known as helicarriers over government property. Later articles retract those statements when it becomes known that the organization, SHIELD, had been compromised by a HYDRA splinter group and the real purpose of the helicarriers became public knowledge. All of the SHIELD data files had been dumped on the internet and when Chekov goes through them, they find out a couple more things about the original supersoldier program as well as the new one. Captain America's private records are also among the data dumped, they both feel uncomfortable with looking through something that was never supposed to be made public and only check to see a picture of him (and he still looks exactly like Steve) and see if maybe he has any other family listed. It's a long shot, but maybe Steve's related to the man and that's why they share such a resemblance. Chekov also finds that the Captain's name is also Steve Rogers, they're the same height as well, and that the Captain would've been about the same biological age Steve was when he woke up at the time of his death.

Steve doesn't want to think about what that could mean, so they instead move on to the other articles. There's a couple in particular, about a man with a metal arm that the Captain fought which make Steve's blood run cold, remembering that glint of a metal arm he kept seeing in his dreams. Then, it's revealed that the metal arm man is actually Captain America's best friend Bucky Barnes, who he thought died in a train accident during one of the Commandos missions, and Steve's freaking out about all the parallels he's finding. Finally, they get to the Eugenics war and Steve watches a couple of clips of all the fighting and is more perturbed to find that he recognizes the Captain's fighting style. Then the Captain's death, shot in the head while walking up to the courtroom on his final day of hearings. He is declared dead, and the rest of the supersoldiers are placed in cryosleep and sent off into space to never be found and awoken again.

There are still more articles, though and a quick cursory glance reveals that someone else took up the mantle of being Captain America after Steve Rogers died.

When it is all read and done, Steve leans back and takes a deep breath, absorbing everything he's read and comparing it to the things he remembers from his life Before. The similarities seem too abundant to pass off as coincidence and Steve doesn't know what to do with this new information now that he knows it with a certainty.

Chekov pats him in the back in a show of comfort. "So?" He asks.

Steve shakes his head, still feeling shaken up by everything he needs to process. "I don't know. I'm not sure about anything," he says honestly.

They go back to their dorm and it's rarely ever mentioned again.

* * *

On their fourth and final year in the academy, someone decides all dorm mates should be part of the same focus and change half the student body's housing. The graduating senior class all collectively point a middle finger at Star Fleet admiralty and stay with the same person they've been living with since they arrived. Steve and Chekov are no exception.

* * *

It's Chekov's birthday. He's turning 17, which is apparently a very big deal for him but no one can really understand why. Then, Steve checks a handbook and realizes that 17 is the legal age for the operation of shuttles, and a clause also states that anyone 17 and older can hold a senior position in a starship. He remembers two years ago, when Chekov had complained that the only reason he wasn't in more advanced classes was because he wasn't of legal age yet and laughs and laughs and laughs.

He bakes a cake shaped like the Enterprise, a ship he knows Chekov wants to get on when it flies at the end of the year. It has a strawberry filling in the inside and, though no one notices, Steve had written out the clause number instead of the ship identifier on the cake and gives that piece to the birthday boy.

Then he notices that there are really only five people out to celebrate with Chekov and him, and decides that the boy works way too much. He should take them out more.

* * *

Of course, now that he has the intent in his mind, Steve can find no free time between he and Chekov's schedule long enough to actually let them go anywhere and have a good time. Then, one of his classes get cancelled, and it's a free period for Chekov so he's finally about to go do _something_ so of course they all get called to assemble for a senior class meeting.

Then the distress call from Vulcan comes and they're all rushing to emergency stations and getting assigned to various ships so they can answer the call.

Chekov is assigned to the Enterprise. His smile is so wide it must hurt a little as he rushes to board the appropriate shuttle. Steve? Is assigned to a work station still on Earth so that he can assist in "finding out what the hell is going on". He tries not to be too disappointed that he's not going out to help and is reminded that his chosen focus rarely gets assigned to starships.

Imagine his surprise at finding out the senior linguistics officer has demanded his presence aboard the Enterprise because "they needed someone to parse through all this data while they translated". He rushes to the nearest shuttle.

* * *

Steve has a job for about two minutes before Jim Kirk rushes onto the bridge and starts yelling about how it's a trap. He's looked through the translations provided and come to the same conclusion, so when Commander Spock asks Kirk to explain his conclusion, Steve joins the group of people supporting Kirk and announces that everything they've said checks out with the data given.

Lieutenant Nyota Uhura replaces the man Steve was previously helping. He's worked with her before in class, mostly for simulations where they have to identify patterns in other planet transmissions. She's good at her job, and she certainly doesn't need Steve there, but he's not certain where else he should go.

Thankfully, Uhura sees the lost look on his face and smiles kindly. "It's alright if you stay for now. I might still need your help," she tells him. Steve smiles back gratefully and they get to work.

* * *

They arrive at Vulcan and all the other ships have been destroyed. They look out at the wreckage and Steve feels a tightening in his gut, unhappy with the total destruction of all these cadets. This is why he wanted to join the 'Fleet, to stop unnecessary deaths like this and all the people who wish to exact it. An anger he suspects was always there curls low in his stomach, and Steve is ready to do what he needs to in order to stop this ship. He's Captain America apparently, this is exactly his kind of fight.

When Pike asks for someone with close-range combat skills every fiber of his being literally cannot _not_ volunteer.

* * *

Olson's rushing to do this for all the wrong reasons, Steve knows. He can tell at first glance that the man is just looking for the next great adrenaline rush, and it's going to make him very reckless. Kirk is being reasonable at least, trying to judge how well this will go so he can build up some sort of expectation. When they ask Steve what his training was, he only says close combat and martial arts because he really can't just say military.

Then they're at the drop site and Steve, Kirk, and Olson are falling from the ship straight towards the drill hanging down the center of Vulcan. Olson is gleefully shouting from his spot a couple of meters in front of them and Steve gets a bad feeling the more excitedly Olson shouts as they get closer to the drill. Then they reach a safe deployment zone and Steve waits a little before pulling his own parachute while Kirk follows suit next to him. They're both yelling out for Olson to deploy his chute while he wants to just keep going. Steve gets very frustrated and when he sees Olson only has about ten more seconds before he leaves the safe zone and is officially base jumping.

"Olson pull your chute now or you're going to break every bone in your body!" He barks. It comes out sounding more like an order, but Steve doesn't care, the engineer is going to kill himself being this stupid, and Steve doesn't want that to happen.

Something in his tone must strike Olson because the man finally pulls his chute seconds after he leaves the safe zone. He's still going too fast, though, and Steve watches in despair as the engineer uselessly tries to maneuver the parachute and ends up missing the edge of the drill, getting caught in the force of the drill's blast and flinging straight into the beam.

"Enterprise, Olson's down," Steve hears Kirk say.

They start to get near the drill and Steve tries to maneuver himself close enough to the drill that he can land safely. The wind is too strong, he can feel it, and knows he could easily meet the same fate as Olson, and instinct just kicks in. He gets fairly close to the drill, and then hits the button that will retract his parachute before the wind can blow him away. He's free-falling again and the only thing that saves his dumbass is the same instinct he uses when he fights kicking in and stopping him from falling off the side of the drill. Kirk sounds like he might be yelling, but Steve can't be bothered to confirm it since there's a Romulan coming out of one of the hatches on the drill and his eyes are directly on Steve. Working quickly, Steve pulls off his helmet, and digs the phaser out of the gun holder on the suit.

The Romulan is coming closer. Steve checks the setting on the phaser, and then whips it up again to aim and shoot. The laser hits the other man straight on the chest, and the man goes down. To his left, Kirk is engaged in a fist fight with another Romulan and Steve can see a third making his way over quickly. The final one reaches Steve before he can fire his phaser and kicks it out of Steve's hand. The Romulan swings his fist, and Steve ducks, throwing his left arm out for balance as he swings his legs out to the right and trips the Romulan. His opponent only kicks himself back up again and the fight is on. They trade punches until Steve manages to get a hit into the man's solar plexus, not holding back on his strength. The Romulan doubles over and Steve brings his knee up to the man's face, and then throws him to the side, a little too hard. He watches as his opponent falls off the side of the drill and turns to see that Kirk is also close to getting kicked off. Steve spies his phaser laying on the ground, not far away, and runs to grab it and fire a shot at Kirk's opponent. The other topples down to the ground, gone, and Steve rushes forward to help Kirk get back up again.

The other man is giving Steve a strange look, but Steve can only grin and ask, "Had him on the ropes?"

The phrase feels very familiar, like it was something he had heard often, and it sparks a feeling of fond sadness in him. Steve ignores it, but files the feeling away for something to think about later. He's felt that same mixture of emotions several times, mostly in relation to a half remembered smile, the phantom presence of a person behind his left side, and a flash of metal. Steve believes it is most likely the same person, but thinking about them always makes his chest constrict and his heart beat hard against his chest so he only does it when he's alone.

Kirk stares at Steve for a moment more, before he moves passed Steve to stare at the drill. "Olson had the charges," Kirk tells him.

"I know, think we can use something else can destroy this?" Steve asks, moving to stand next to Kirk.

As if they are in tandem with each other, both men's eyes land on the Romulans' guns and they move to pick one up for each.

"I don't know," Kirk says grinning as he hefts the gun up, "but I'd like to try."

With that, he opens fire on what looks like it could be a central console on the drill. Steve follows suit, and they watch as it starts to throw sparks and emit smoke. Right on cue, they hear the crew of the Enterprise announce the reestablishment of a connection followed by an order not to move.

This is Steve's life, though, so of course the Romulan ship decides to withdraw the drill at that exact moment, and Steve finds himself in a free fall, Kirk not far above him. Steve moves to readjust his posture, so that he can slow down a little more, but it means that his back is facing towards the sky, so he doesn't notice Kirk approaching until the other man bodily slams into his back.

"What'd you do that for!?" Steve yells at him. Kirk shrugs as much as a man falling through the air at an indeterminate speed can.

"We need to be close together so they can lock on to us better!" Kirk shouts back. Which, okay, yeah it makes sense, but Kirk body-slammed him. He could have done damage to the equipment in Steve's suit.

Kirk moves around again, so that they're at an even level, forming a two-person sky-diving circle. Group stays together, more resistance, and immediate help if something goes wrong with one of their parachutes. Steve tries to gauge their wind speed, and it feels like they're going much too fast to deploy safely, but the ground is also getting very close, and Transport is going to have a hell of a time locking in on them if they don't slow down.

"We need to deploy," he tells Kirk, who agrees with him.

"You go first!" Kirk yells. Steve acknowledges the statement and reaches for the string that should deploy his parachute and pulls on it. Nothing happens.

"I think it's stuck," He yells after the fourth tug with no success.

Kirk nods. "Great," he says, and reaches up to use his own parachute. His pops out, and Kirk steadies before reaching out and grabbing Steve so they can both slow down. It must be too much, because they hear the clang of metal snapping, and all of a sudden they're in free fall again.

"Enterprise, now would be a great time to beam us back!" Kirk yells.

Steve hears the women manning the transporter shouting that they're just moving too fast to get a lock on them. Awesome. He moves again to try and deploy his parachute, but it still isn't budging.

"Let me try," Kirk tells him. Steve nods, dropping the string and moving to instead hold Kirk close to him as the other man tries his luck at triggering deployment. Steve can see over Kirk's shoulder that the ground is still rapidly catching up to them, and that they are very, very close to it.

"Enterprise, please!" He yells out.

They are literally seconds away from impact; no parachute will be able to help them now. Steve twists, moving so that his back is to the ground, and will make him take most of the impact. He thinks Kirk may be yelling, but he can barely hear anything over the wind rushing passed his head and he closes his eyes, counting the seconds to impact.

They land with a thud, and it isn't nearly hard enough for how fast they were going so Steve cracks an eye open and looks around. They're on the transporter room pad, Steve lying flat on his back with Kirk over him, trying to recover from the sudden rescue. Chekov is sitting at the control for the transporter. Hands up in the air in victory, and Steve laughs at the dizzying sensation of relief and pride coursing through him. There was a point to those transporter equations he had been working through after all.

Then Captain Spock is walking into the room, and tells them to clear the pad so he can beam down. Kirk tries to convince him not to, but Spock insists on saving the council members of his people, who will be in charge of remembering Vulcan culture. Kirk's still trying to yell at Spock, so Steve places a hand on his shoulder, and gives the younger man a significant look.

"Let it go, this is obviously important to him," Steve whispers, even as Spock orders "Energize" and disappears.

Kirk deflates, conceding, but insists on staying to see what will happen.

When Spock's mother is lost in the middle of beaming while his entire planet is consumed in a black hole, and Steve sees the look on the Vulcan's face as he arrives, arm outstretched to catch her, Steve feels sorry for the Captain. That kind of loss must be overwhelming to him, and Steve knows that it's the kind of loss that will change the Vulcan's life forever. Strangely, he also feels a deep and strong sense of empathy, like he's gone through the exact same thing all of Vulcan is experiencing now, and can only hope they can also find the other side. It's fitting, he supposes, from a certain perspective, he did.

* * *

Captain Spock orders Steve to accompany the Vulcan Elders to the med bay, and then work with them to copy down and preserve the Vulcan culture so that it may live on.

Steve personally thinks that they're a little more focused on trying to overcome the loss of their entire _planet_ than they are passing down their culture to Steve, so he gives them all a moment and opts to instead sit to the side of the med bay. He's out of the way of the busy doctors, but still close enough to offer support, and let them come to him when they're ready to start doing something about the lives they've all lost.

As a direct result, he misses all of the drama on the bridge of the Enterprise, but he hears later, through Doctor McCoy's angry ramblings, that Jim Kirk has been kicked off the ship for mutiny and marooned on a nearby planet with a Federation base. He gets the feeling that decision will lead to a long line of repercussions down the road.

* * *

When the Vulcan High Council is ready, Steve earnestly copies down everything they have to say, and matches it up with some of the Star Fleet records they carry on Vulcans. Together, they all fill in the gaps in knowledge in order to get an almost completely full record on Vulcan history and culture. It fascinates Steve, who has to hold back so he doesn't bombard them all with an endless list of questions and it takes them three weeks to write down everything. He gets sucked in, learning and writing down everything, slipping in that headspace he sometimes falls into where everything else just fades away until he's only focused on the task at hand, and before he knows it, two hours have apparently passed and he has been moving at a pace that is not natural, because he has been getting down all of the Vulcan's words (word for word) by hand, even though it was originally supposed to just be notes because they were talking far too quickly. Steve becomes aware that all of the Vulcan's present are staring at him with what must be suspicion and curiosity, eyes flicking between Steve and the tablet he was using with questions written in their eyebrows.

"Uh, I get carried away sometimes," he said, glancing at all of the Vulcans focusing their brain power on him. It's a little disturbing, to be honest, and Steve wants to fidget.

"I believe you are being called to the Bridge," one of the elders finally says, a single eyebrow raised.

 _Wow, that feels condescending_ , Steve thinks, as he finally hears Kirk's voice over the comm saying "Lieutenant Rogers, please report to the Bridge," for what must have been multiple times.

"Oh," Steve replies, because he's eloquent. "Well, sorry for the interruption, but I need to go."

He sets down the tablet, and quickly hops to his feet so he can get to the Bridge.

* * *

Everyone on the Bridge is hatching an elaborate plot to beam aboard the Narada, stop the Romulans, and rescue Captain Pike before they try to destroy Earth. Steve has absolutely no idea why he's been asked to join them. Seriously, they seem like they've got it all covered, Steve doesn't know why they are specifically requesting _he_ joins them. He tries to ask Kirk when he first steps out, but the man just pulls Steve off to the side of the circle, tells him to listen, and goes back to the discussion.

Chekov is running back towards one of the other computers, writing utensil in one hand, a blank pad in the other, and even as he's moving, he links an arm through Steve's and drags the disgruntled blond to the computer with him.

"Quick, of all the planets in Earth's solar system, which one is big enough to hide the Enterprise?" Chekov asks him.

"How much do you want to hide it?" Steve asks, moving to one of the other computers to pull up the dimensions of the starship and match it up against planets. So far, seven of them are already kicked out.

"Can't be seen or detected on radar," Chekov replies immediately.

"Saturn could be big enough, but you'd have to get passed the rings on that. If not, Jupiter and Neptune are the only other plausible ones if you're going for what I think you're going for."

Chekov grins, already pulling up the relevant data on the two planets of choice and getting to work on some calculations. It takes him about three minutes, in which time the rest of the Bridge have started yelling and bickering with each other over how to set-up the attack. Steve checks over what Chekov is trying to accomplish, and smiles when he sees the solution the Russian has reached.

Steve reaches over Chekov's shoulder to pull up a closer map of Titan, and pulls up the moon's electromagnetic and gravity fields. He looks back at Chekov's math, where the man is double-checking his calculations, and decisively marks a specific area just to the side of the planet.

"If we stay here at the right angle, that should be just enough for what you had in mind," Steve announces.

Chekov turns and looks at the spot Steve has marked down and nods in agreement. He moves to the Captain, Steve right behind him, and explains his plan to hide the ship so that the Narada can't see the Enterprise, but the Enterprise can still get the drop on the enemy ship. Kirk nods, ready to go with the plan, but then Doctor McCoy steps in and asks Chekov how old he is.

The navigator proudly declares his 17 years of age, and McCoy is giving the look of a man who just found out his 5-year-old made him a cup of coffee and is being forced to drink it and call it delicious. Steve bristles a little, because he knows Chekov, and he knows that the boy is more than capable of doing his job or Star Fleet wouldn't have given him such a high position. Anyone who tries to imply any different is in for trouble directly from Steve. Before he can start defending his friend, though, Spock enters the Bridge, declares Chekov right, and volunteers to go invade the Narada himself. Then both the Captain and Spock are going to go and infiltrate the enemy ship and Steve still isn't sure why he's on the Bridge. They set the plan in motion, everyone scattering to fulfill the duties they need, and Steve is left standing in the corner like an idiot, with his arms crossed over his blue shirt to keep from fiddling with the hem, and the tiny holes all over the cloth.

Finally, when they're on their way to Titan, Kirk moves away from the front of the ship and towards Steve at the back.

"Rogers," he greets.

"Captain," Steve nods back, "all due respect, sir, why am I here?"

Kirk settles against the wall opposite Steve, close to the Turbolift, and sweeps a considering look over Steve's body. "I remember you from those combat training classes. You know how to fight well, and every time you were made Team Leader in the group exercises, you came up with brilliant plans."

Steve was confused, did he want Steve to help with the planning? If so, why would he have Steve standing to the side, and not actively planning with them? "What's your point, sir?" He asks instead.

"Culture," Kirk says, "why'd you choose it if you so obviously could have made it into security, or even Captain if you wanted it?"

Steve sighs. He's had this same conversation with some of the admiralty at Star Fleet, who felt he was better suited for fighting.

"Permission to answer freely, sir," he requested.

Kirk considered it. "Granted," he acquiesced.

"Thank you," Steve replied. He settled into a parade rest position, and kept his chin high and voice low as he answered. "I woke up on a Federation Starship four years ago with only the information that I had been found alone in space with no sign of the rest of my crew, and no memory of who I was. They found me in a cryotube, no idea how long I'd been there, no records of who I was before or if there's even anyone out there waiting for me. The only thing I had was an idea of what my name was, and apparently the markings of several wounds, one directly to the head being the cause of my memory loss. Maybe I had been security personnel Before, it would explain a lot of things, but either way it's not who I am now. I chose my career because I had been so lost and confused when I first woke up that the thought of what I do potentially helping people like me was irresistible.

"I know that's probably not what you were expecting to here, but it's the truth. I don't mind fighting every once in a while, but the thought of doing it regularly makes me so tired and worn down I don't want to consider it," Steve finished.

Kirk looked a little stunned. "Understood," he finally said.

Then, it was time to go, and Kirk was leaving with Spock, and Steve found himself going back down to the room he had left the Vulcan Elders in to explain the situation.

* * *

It was through a hell of a lot of luck, but they survived. The Narada was gone, most of the crew accounted for, the Enterprise safely away from the fighting, and they were just docking back into the space station. The only cadet ship to survive the attack. When they landed back on Earth, Steve continued his data-gathering with the Vulcans, carefully trying to keep from remembering just how many students died, how many of his friends were no longer walking around the campus, joking around and getting into silly sparring matches with each other

* * *

He had to move away from the academy, couldn't stand all the emptiness surrounding him when he tried to stay. He got a job at one of the local Star Fleet archives, and mostly sat around doing busy work. Steve kept in touch with the Academy friends who survived, he still regularly talked to Chekov who was going on about how he had been selected yet again as ship navigator on the newly made Enterprise. He went to the christening on the Enterprise, and then to the memorial for the attack a couple of months later and tried not to be depressed by how many cadets were present for the senior class when he could still remember the room full they had had the day they all came for Kirk's tribunal that fateful day. He watched as the rest of the Enterprise crew went up into space, while he stayed grounded on earth, and hoped they would be okay out there. Space was huge, and full of so many surprising things just waiting to be found.

Still, he continued to send letters to Chekov every week, and continued to work. He would get his chance soon enough.

It turns out that chance came in the form of an Admiral Marcus, holding the promise of information about Steve's family holding over his head unless Steve agreed to move to a different data archive nearly a year later.

Because there's a man out there, just like Steve, who would do anything to protect the crew he considers family, and Steve's right up at the top of that list.

 _Notes: So, you made it all this way! Congrats! I'm working on a second part to add on to this detailing Into Darkness, so you have that to look forward to at least. Thank you for reading, please feel free to leave any constructive criticism you have, this is my first time doing Star Trek. Also, I am looking for a Beta, so if anyone wants to help, they are welcome to it._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a vague sense of the plot.**

Back when Captain America had merely been the man to train them, Khan hadn't taken much of a personal interest in the Captain other than to identify him as the commanding officer. They had been trained to work as a unit, follow the chain of command, never withhold any information that could be detrimental to the rest of the team (one of Captain Rogers' special rules; they never questioned it), and treat one another as their relationship should imply. They were a specialized unit of humans with no other match like them, all similar in ability and experience. Family. It was those last two rules that stuck with Khan the most, perhaps because they were ones he had personally learned to be true.

There was many a time one of them had discovered something potentially threatening to all of them and was asked to keep it secret. When they allowed their training to supersede current orders they were able to escape bad situations. It was because one of his fellow soldiers disobeyed commands that they were able to escape SHIELD and join their Captain in taking down the compromised agency that had created them. The part of Khan's past that had stayed in existence, even after he was turned into a supersoldier had felt vindicated being able to bring down destruction on the agency that forced him into changing. It had felt good.

When they didn't listen to the rules, someone either got injured or died. They learned to stop making the mistake that day Captain America- Steve Rogers- died on the steps of the Supreme Court building. They had run away, like most participants in the war, wishing to prolong their capture by the government, knowing they would be put down like animals. They had left their Captain, a piece of their unit, behind to fend for himself. And he had died. Khan stood in their hideaway, watching the coverage as America realized its' hero was well and truly gone, and he had felt his hands clench while his stomach knotted itself over and over again and he found himself speechless. Steve Rogers was dead, a member of their tight-knit group gone forever because he hadn't gone back to rescue him. From that point on, Khan remembered the utter wretched feeling growing from the pits of his stomach and up into his mouth until he could hardly breathe from it and vowed to never let another member of his _family_ die when he could have done something. He has hell to pay now.

* * *

More than 300 years later, when Khan opens his eyes from the cold numbness of cryosleep and sees a man with a determination but not enough means he remembers that promise he made. The man threatens the other crew members, asleep in their cryotubes, and Khan looks out at the ones they've gathered- 73, there used to be more, _what happened to the rest of his crew_ \- and remembers the promise he had made.

This man will suffer his full wrath later, when he can guarantee their get-away and punish this fool for trying to hurt Khan's family. For now, he listens to what the man wants and decides to comply.

* * *

Khan thinks that maybe the ghost of Steve Rogers has decided to torture him. It's fair enough, he believes, he has felt the lingering presence of it weighing him down ever since he had learned of the Captain's death. It seemed to push down a little harder every time he did something to jeopardize the rest of the crew, and Khan will admit that he is doing something stupid and very risky. Possibly, it's stupid enough that wherever Steve Rogers is in the afterlife, he has decided he would be better served not only pushing down, but making Khan see glimpses of the man everywhere he turns so he is reminded of his promise. That's the working theory, anyway, because Khan swears he sees Rogers walking around the archive, and sometimes hears the Captain's voice while he is working. It makes Khan paranoid every time it happens, and he almost feels like he needs to find some other way to save his crew besides stuffing them inside the missiles. There is no other way, though, and Khan knows it because he's gone through every single other option available and nothing else will worse. Nothing else _can_ work.

It's almost a relief to find out the truth after all the guilt.

* * *

Admiral Marcus discovers Khan's plan to save his crew when he suddenly finds himself with 72 fewer hostages. To say the Admiral is angered beyond belief would be an understatement, and Khan knows that his time is limited. He can't leave with his crew like he wanted to, but he can make Marcus pay, so Khan blows up the entire archive, it doesn't need to stay standing, and then he attacks the superior officers' meeting room. If Marcus is going to destroy everything Khan has left, Khan would like to return the favor.

One of the officers stop him, though, and Khan flees to Qo'noS so he doesn't have to go down as well.

Then he hears one of the Star Fleet commanders say they were pointing the torpedoes at _him_. Admiral Marcus, the fool, had placed too much trust in revenge, and had been planning on killing Khan and his crew in one fell swoop. Khan feels the red hot anger in his chest grow and _burn_. It is a smart move, but not something Khan appreciates being used on himself and he will makes the Admiral pay even more for trying to do this.

He takes some of his anger out on the Klingons trying to attack the "team of highly trained operatives" sent his way. When they confirm there are 72 torpedos, Khan immediately surrenders, he must keep the crew safe. He just can't go through the guilt of losing them when he could have easily done something again, and so he submits himself to the blond man's attempts to pummel his face and he plans for the safe retrieval of his crew. Obviously they feel responsible to follow Star Fleet law, or else they would have destroyed Khan before even attempting negotiation, he can exploit that. Paint out the reasons for why he did what he did, and they just might let him walk away.

It's no matter if they don't. Khan will force his way through them if he must, he just doesn't need the ghost of Steve Rogers to get any more disapproving than it already feels.

* * *

Khan negotiates with the Captain, he plays nice with all of the requests, answers all the questions and explains himself. Tries to drop hints so he gains some trust from the Captain. An enemy of my enemy is a friend, after all, and while Khan doesn't need complete trust, he also doesn't want for there to be unnecessary barriers between him, the Enterprise's crew, and his own crew.

Really, he thinks it all went well until Kirk decided to use Steve Rogers against Khan and then betrays him with a phaser shot. After that, Khan decides diplomacy can piss off, he'll take back his full crew even if he has to kill an entire spaceship to do so. He's so tired of having his family be held hostage by people who never intend for them to rest in peace. They really should have just let them stay frozen.

* * *

Steve wakes up and he's in an unfamiliar place. _Not again with this, please_ , he thinks as he tries to force himself up and into a walking position. He at least remembers that the archive had exploded while he had stepped outside for a break. Barely a minute after Steve had even stepped out of the immediate range of the archive, he had heard an explosion and been knocked off his feet by the percussive force of it. Steve thinks he might have passed out after, he doesn't remember anything after getting knocked over so it makes sense. What doesn't is that he's pretty sure he's not in any kind of medbay.

Steve hears a voice over a set of speakers, thinks it sounds familiar. The voice is pleading, asking someone to blame him, but spare the lives of his crew. With a start, Steve realizes that it's Kirk's voice. Why can he hear Kirk? The last time he heard anything from Chekov, it was news that the Enterprise would be docking in Earth for some time as they awaited a new mission from Star Fleet, so unless Steve was missing something huge the entire crew of the Enterprise should be on leave, not pleading for lives.

There is a voice that responds to Kirk's pleas. Steve recognizes it as the slightly grating, arrogant tone of Admiral Marcus, a man he sees walking around Section 31 often. The Admiral is telling Kirk that he was never going to spare the crew, and then he's ordering for a destruction of the Enterprise. Steve looks up and around, he's in a holding cell, the room is pure white with clear, unreflective glass protecting the area between the holding cell and the outside. There is a standard security team sitting outside the cell, monitoring, but they all seem too distracted by the news of imminent death to really do anything about Steve's unauthorized presence in the holding cell. He doesn't blame them, an admiral is about to destroy them all and claim they committed mutiny to get away with it.

To everyone's immense surprise, they can hear the bridge scrambling as it is announced that the other ship has lost power and a new voice, this one Scottish, claims to have shut down the power aboard the other ship and the crew goes into rescue mode.

Logically, this is when the guards notice someone in the holding cell who was not supposed to be there.

* * *

It's a mad scramble, for a little bit, but it eventually ends with Steve on one side of the glass and a suspicious pair of senior command officers on the other side, staring him down. Well okay, he's guessing one of them is suspicious. The other looks like they want to stay and question him, but also have somewhere they desperately need to be. For the time being, questioning wins.

"What are you doing onboard the Enterprise?" Kirk asks him.

Steve shakes his head, genuinely curious about this as well. "I have no idea. The last thing I remember is leaving Section 31 for a short break. I expected to wake up in medbay," he said honestly.

Kirk shares a glance with Spock that makes Steve suspect he said something he probably shouldn't have mentioned.

"Section 31? What were you doing there?" Kirk questions, his gaze intent and searching for any kind of hints Steve's body might give away.

Steve feels nervous gather through him, so he clenches his jaw and straightens his back, keeping his eyes level with Spock and Kirk on the other side of the glass. "I had to move there for personal reasons, I didn't do anything more than archiving, and they had me searching through known Klingon attacks, identifying battle strategy of all things. I was told it would be to find warning signs of another attack on a Federation planet."

Kirk stepped closer. "When did this start?"

"About 6 months ago, I started receiving notices to change archives just before the Enterprise started prep for its latest mission," Steve answered dutifully.

Spock took a step forward, leaning towards Kirk to get the Captain's attention. As if rehearsed, Kirk did an about-face, spinning on his right heel with Spock turning with him and they bent closer together to converse quietly. It wasn't quiet enough, though, and Steve (whose hearing had always been sensitive) picked up on everything they said.

"Rogers' statement falls in line with Carol Marcus' claims for when she found out about the production of the torpedoes. It is possible that the Ensign was moved to Section 31 for strategic purposes," Spock was saying.

"Yeah, but it doesn't make _sense_. Why would Marcus want to place him there specifically? He's a research officer," Kirk shot back.

"While this may be true, you are also aware that Ensign Rogers excels at Military Strategy and pattern recognition, he would have been an ideal choice if Admiral Marcus really wished to go to war with Klingon," Spock reasoned.

"He had Khan for that…. Unless, the Admiral was already aware of Khan's defecting," Kirk realized, looking up as the idea formed in his mind. "But in that case, Admiral Marcus wouldn't have just gone straight for a back-up, with that much time left, he would have still tried to place the pressure on Khan to cooperate. We're missing something, Spock!"

"In this case, the only person who could know what is either the Admiral himself, or Ensign Rogers. Why don't we ask him?"

Spock and Kirk turned back around, still right in sync and looked at Steve in consideration. Kirk had his thinking face on, and Spock had a single eyebrow raised as he looked from Steve back to Captain Kirk.

"While you were working at Section 31, did you meet anyone by the name of John Harrison?" Kirk asked him.

Steve frowned, a thought niggling at the back of his head, nudging persistently and yelling that he should know that name. Mentally, he poked at it and immediately thought of cold air, long unkempt hair, and a metal arm running, always running away from him. He needed to keep up, why couldn't he keep up. He just needed to talk to him, even just once. Oh, he missed him so much. _Slow down, Buck, let me help you_ …

Steve gasped, a drowning man coming up for air once more and shook his head. An ache had begun at the center of his forehead, pushing in like something was trying to drive its way into his skull, and Steve grasped his head in one hand the other reaching out to steady himself.

"Whoa! Whoa!" someone yelled.

"Rogers?"

"Is he al-?"

Steve was aware of the pneumatic hissing sound of the holding cell opening, and felt arms on his body, pulling him upright. "I'm fine, I'm fine," he tried, "just thought I was remembering—"

He blacked out for the third time that day.

* * *

After Rogers passed out right as he was being asked the million dollar question, Jim Kirk felt the already massive headache building up right behind his eyes reach a pounding of dance club proportions. Jim reaches up to massage his forehead, and sighs, he had to talk to Khan anyway.

"Spock, get him moved to the medbay, I really need to go," Jim orders, waving towards the cell. Jim doesn't even wait to see his first officer nod his head, before Jim is off and running towards Medbay himself.

He doesn't stop until his feet lead him straight in front of Khan. "Tell me what you know about that ship," Jim demands.

"Dreadnaught class, two times the size three times the speed, modified for a minimal crew. Unlike most federation vessels, it's built solely for combat," Khan answers in that disinterested tone he seems to carry.

Jim lets out a puff of air, resigning himself to something he really doesn't want to do. "I will do everything in my power to make sure you will pay for what you did…but for now I need your help."

Khan looks condescending, the smug bastard. "And what's in it for me?" He asks.

Jim shifts uncomfortably, aware of just how precarious this whole situation. He's riding this all on some facts and an assumption he's made, an assumption that's probably wrong but just doesn't make sense any other way.

"I can guarantee the safety of your crew," he tries.

"Captian, you can't even guarantee the safety of your _own_ crew, much less mine," Khan shoots back. Jim hates how smug the other man looks, and decides that he'd really much rather try his odds and see Khan actually react, then let Khan have all the control. Jim leans a little closer to Khan.

"That may be, but I can at least guarantee one person," Jim tells Khan. Khan, for a brief moment, actually looks a little confused, but then someone finally gets Rogers into the medbay (such perfect timing) and Jim sees Khan's eyes actually widen as he stares at Rogers' prone body.

"Where did you find him!?" Khan demands.

"He found us, enlisted in Star Fleet and claimed memory loss," Jim says. He feels ridiculous giddy about getting his hunch proven right. "Help me and we can at least guarantee that he'll be safe in medbay."

Khan is still tracking the medical staff setting up a cot for Rogers, like he can't believe what his eyes are seeing. Jim can see that Khan's hands have tensed up from their resting place on Khan's knees and can see that the other man's brain is going crazy trying to figure out how the Enterprise has Rogers. Jim feels bad for taking advantage of their obvious previous connection. From both of their reactions, they must have been close or at least known one another for quite some time, and Rogers had admitted that he didn't remember much from his past. It would explain a lot, though, if Rogers had been a victim of the Eugenics War, and ended up doing something similar to Khan. It would explain everything, in fact, except how Rogers lost his memory and why he had been woken up so much sooner than the rest of Khan's crew.

"Do we have a deal or not?" Jim asks, and Khan looks over and Jim swears he sees Khan's eyes flash. All he can say is, whatever emotions the other man holds, Jim's reasonably sure it's mostly offset by all the torment and anger he saw in that single flash.

This is a man who thought he had nothing left to lose, only to find there was a final treasure still hidden away from him.

* * *

Jim doesn't trust Khan at all, even less now that he knows he holds leverage over the supersoldier. Khan does not seem like the kind to take blackmail well, and after witnessing how quickly and ruthlessly the other man takes down his enemies, Jim knows he doesn't want to be on the other side of _that_.

So yeah, he makes the call for Scotty to drop Khan once they reach the bridge. Any other option would spell out very bad things for him. Jim just wishes the other man would've stayed down for a little longer, is all.

* * *

Back on the Enterprise, Spock has just finished an informative conversation with his alternate timeline counterpart, and is headed back down to Medbay.

Doctor McCoy has sent word that Ensign Rogers is now awake, and Spock wants to question the Researcher a little more. Any information he can gather about Khan will be valuable. In the meantime, he also needs the doctor to work on a greater scheme.

* * *

Steve Rogers sits up in the Medbay cot and thinks. It's a little ridiculous that he's been trying to remember for five years, and the thing that makes the floodgates open is the name John Harrison. Although, the significance of the name is actually huge, so maybe Steve shouldn't be very surprised. It was one of the aliases Bucky used while he was on the run. The last one, before Bucky finally let Steve catch up and the War really started to gain momentum.

It's fitting really, that something relating to Bucky would be the thing to do him in, when Steve had done the same to the Winter Soldier. Their history is repeating itself, Steve thinks, dryly.

Bucky "died", forgot everything, and was separated from Steve by time and ice until they finally both reunited 70 years after they should have been in their graves. Now Steve "died" and forgot everything, but it's been 300 years, and there's no more Bucky waiting for him to come out and be saved. He thought he wanted his memories back, living with that empty gap of memory for years, now that he knows the weight of everything he's lost, Steve wants to curl up and mourn for everything like he never let himself in the 21st Century. And there's another thing, this is the second time ice has robbed him of the time he lived in, and this time there isn't even any immediate relatives of people he knows. Steve is completely alone except for the friends he's managed to make in this new time. Damn, that's depressing.

Luckily, Commander Spock comes to pull Steve out of his thoughts with a curt nod and an "Ensign".

"Commander," Steve replies.

"The question Captain Kirk asked you earlier, do you have a response?" Spock asks, getting straight to business.

Steve frowns again, thinking back to the question. "No, I didn't meet anyone by that name," he replies.

Spock's eyebrow lifts, so Steve feels obligated to explain himself. "The name is connected to something from my past. I reacted strongly, but I didn't meet anyone by the name of John Harrison while I was working at Section 31."

Instead of appeasing the Vulcan, Spock's eyebrow goes even further up. "Perhaps you know him by his true name, then. Are you familiar with a Khan Noonien Singh?"

"No," Steve breathes, slumping. "Was he woken from a cryotube?"

Spock nods, and Steve actually feels a little excited, because it means people who know him. Even if it was the soldiers he trained during the War, they were at least familiar. Besides, during his time working at the Archive, Marcus had obviously been trying to make some sort of point with Steve's presence, even if Steve himself had been unaware of what that point was. The Admiral had forced Steve to move, claiming he had new information on Steve's past and then demanding he work at Section 31 or have the information be withheld. Steve had been put to work, and Marcus had scheduled a meeting between the two (presumably to finally disclose whatever information he was holding over Steve's head, now that he knows the truth, Steve thinks it might have been a show down between Khan and He). Next thing he knows, the meeting is happening and one hour and then the Archive is blown up. If Khan had been working at the same archive, and Admiral Marcus was trying to connect them somehow, it would explain a vast majority of things and Steve is relieved to have everything come together.

Then, Steve notices how tense Spock is, and knows the crew is all on high alert. Something's wrong, and if they're questioning Steve then the something has to do with Khan.

He sighs. "What did he do this time?"

* * *

After hearing the whole story, Steve would just like to point out that Khan had never exactly been known for having boundaries of any sort. That, and really, Steve understands what Khan wanted and why he did the things he did, in the future at least. He had already been feeling the same sort of restlessness from doing nothing to help _anybody_ even if he was working at Star Fleet. It was an itch, just beneath his skin, begging Steve to act or do something more than he was already doing. He imagines it might have been multiplied in Khan, a man who Steve remembers (and wasn't that novel, actually remembering something from Before) as having a personal code he always adhered to, and had a little too much time to think and brood when introduced to the serum. Steve understands Khan's need to do something to save the rest of the supersoldiers, he really does; He just also really wishes that Khan hadn't gone for something that affected so many civilians.

Spock asks Steve how they can defeat Khan. Steve can't think of anything they still have around today that would actually appease a full-on enraged supersoldiers without causing a lot of damage to Khan other than to give the other man what he wants. He knows Spock wouldn't agree to that, though, so he goes for next best.

"Either knock him out in a way his metabolism and superhealing wouldn't burn through, or let me talk to him," Steve tells Spock.

Spock raises an eyebrow, so Steve explains himself. "Before, when the Supersoldier program that created Khan and the rest of the crew was first started, I trained them. I had no idea what he would go on to do at the time, but I was at least in charge of teaching basic combat. If what you've said is true about Khan's desire to protect the crew, then he'll at least be receptive."

Spock looks contemplative for a moment, staring at Steve calculatingly. "While you raise a good point, I believe it would be safest for you to talk to Khan when he and the Captain are both safely back on board."

"Commander, we both know that as soon as Khan sees Admiral Marcus, everything will change. The moment Khan loses control is the moment everyone will be endangered."

"Which is exactly what I intend to avoid. Your presence will greatly affect Khan, as you are another member of his crew and someone he may respect. If anything, you may put him over the tipping point."

"Anything we do will anger Khan! He works to accomplish his own goals with every step, and anything we do only stops Khan from reaching his goals, which is what he wants to do, and can therefore only anger him. He already sounds close to committing something even more dangerously reckless than what's already been done. I don't want to see him reach that moment."

"I understand, but the odds of either of our plans working are not in your favor, Ensign. I have already started on a plan that I believe will work to our advantage, and which has a much higher chance of success."

With that, Spock cuts the conversation short, and claims that he needs to go back up to the bridge. Steve can't help but feel that whatever plan Spock has come up with will go sideways very quickly and just hopes that the damage will not be irreversible. The itch underneath his skin grows, and Steve itches for a punching bag to pound. He needs to do _something_ , he's just been standing to the side for way too long.

* * *

Steve doesn't know what has happened. A couple of minutes after Spock left, a command was issued to bring Steve up to the bridge. Khan, looking more ruffled then Steve has seen in a while, is standing confrontationally on the bridge of another ship. Steve can see injured Star Fleet officers in the background and he knows that something went horribly wrong with whatever plan they had. As soon as Steve arrives, Khan grins in a way that makes Steve's skin crawl and then he's experiencing the weirdly warm, tingling sensation of beaming. His surrounding's change, and then Steve is standing in what looks like an engine room, except he's surrounded by torpedoes, and all of them are _beeping_.

Steve's running before he can really think about it. He has no idea how long he has until the timers go off, but he gets the idea when he dives into through a set of bay doors and starts to feel rumbling beneath his feet. Steve books it, can feel heat building up behind him, scorching through the doors even as he tries his best to put more space between the explosion and himself. Steve knows he won't make it much further, so he makes a tactical decision and dives headfirst into the nearest storage room.

Heat from the blast rushes passed the room and Steve feels worry rise in his chest because this means the ship was attacked, and Steve heard Spock whisper something to Doctor McCoy about "arming the torpedoes" and Steve knows that that was where Khan stuffed the rest of the crew, so if Steve is understanding Spock's plan right _Spock armed the torpedoes that were supposed to house the rest of the supersoldiers_. Steve doubts the crew are actually still inside the torpedoes but _How the Sam Hill is blowing up the torpedoes and letting Khan think his crew is dead better than letting Steve talk to him_?

* * *

Of course Khan goes off in a homicidal rage, what did Spock _think_ would happen? Through his dizzying relief at having survived, Steve feels the ship lurch off in Warp Speed. The ship's badly hurt, though, and Steve pinpoints the exact moment Warp fails and they start falling. Steve scrambles up to his feet when the crash feels like it's ended, the storage room door is just barely standing, built to last extreme conditions as they were, so Steve simply kind of pushes it aside. When he looks out the door, he can see that a portion of the starship has completely detached from the whole by the torpedoes. He's just barely missed the gap, but on the ultra-bright side, Steve's section of the ship has crashed onto land. He gingerly steps off and looks around, they're at the academy, Khan has turned this into personal revenge it seems. Also there's a string of panicked cries followed by people parting way, and Steve turns in time to see a glimpse of Khan running away from the Academy.

"KHAN!" Steve yells, chasing the other man. Khan stops and turns around to stare at Steve, an unreadable look on his face.

"Captain," Khan greets as Steve scurries to a start in front of the other soldier.

"Are you hurt? What happened?" Khan asks once Steve has steadied himself. He's looking over Steve calculatingly, judging and assessing.

"I'm fine," Steve answers by rote, "What about you? The ship…"

Khan looks grim. "I've failed you, the rest of the crew has perished along with the ship."

Steve frowns, but just then his ears pick up the sound of a transport beam just a little to his side. Khan and He both turn to see Spock energizing just a few feet away. Khan tenses up, and immediately grips Steve's arm, turning to run away from the Vulcan.

"That conniving Vulcan killed the rest of our crew. I'm not letting him take anyone else," Khan sneers while they are running. He looks agitated, lost, and deep in grief. Steve can empathize, he felt much the same both times he woke up from being frozen. Steve can see that Khan had not anticipated Spock arming the torpedoes and doesn't know what do about the development, he also knows that Khan is searching for the best way to make them all pay.

It was something Steve had noticed when he had been training the supersoldiers. Khan was smart, ruthless, and quick to form a plan. He followed his own moral code, and had a tendency to look down at others. The other man had quite the ego, and Steve knew that Khan had spent many a day trying to assert himself as the best and most qualified. It's what made Khan the ideal de facto leader once their supersoldier squad moved on to fieldwork. It also made Khan vengeful; if he felt anyone slighted him or anyone he gave his loyalty to, Khan was likely to resort to violence. Steve had been uncomfortable about it, and if he remembered news about what the supersoldiers did after Steve had died at the Courthouse, he had been right. Khan had turned against everyone who ever opposed Steve during the Civil War, leading their small army to make sure pro-registration supporters knew what mistake they had made.

Steve knew he certainly didn't want to see what Khan had in mind for Spock.

"Khan, stop," Steve ordered.

Khan didn't even slow down, his grip on Steve's arm tightened. "We'll have time to sort everything out once we're both out of Star Fleet's sight."

"We're fugitives, Khan, where are we going to hide?" Steve tried.

"It wouldn't be the first time. I know of a spot," Khan shot back.

"Angry Vulcan chasing us," Steve pointed out as they ran through some sort of building and jumped through one of the windows on the other side.

"A minor complication, I assure you."

New tactic. "What did you mean about the crew?" Steve asked.

"Vulcan. Armed torpedoes with the crew in them. They exploded."

"Are you sure they really killed all of them?"

"Captain, you're much too optimistic. It was a rather smart tactical move from their side."

"And why would they need to blow everyone up?"

Khan barely hesitated before tugging Him and Steve over the side of an overpass and onto one of the hovering trash lifts. "As you may remember, we are still fugitives."

"Yeah, over 300 years ago."

"I may have blown up one of their headquarters."

They jumped to another craft, Spock fast behind them. "They were holding the crew, so I tried what I could to set them free," Khan said in answer to Steve's unasked question.

"Which gives them more reason to label us criminals and lock us away again."

"What about their Admiral Marcus: the man who locked me away and forced me to work for him and build weapons? Does he not make it onto their bad records? I was only trying to bring peace to the crew."

"So why continue to fight? You had perfectly good reasons to get away, but it's gotten out-of-hand now. Just stop while we still have the chance of survival here."

Spock caught up and knocked Steve aside as he went after Khan. Steve felt conflicted: Khan had his reasons for rebelling and they made sense, but he had also caused all the destruction Steve had witnessed and heard about from Spock. He didn't want to turn away from Khan if the other man was really the only thing Steve still had from his past, but he would run into complications no matter which way he turned.

"Khan, please," Steve said to the two battling men. Khan turned his eyes to face Steve from where Spock held Khan's grip in a mind meld, and they seemed to have a battle of wills through the eye contact.

Khan turned his attention back to Spock, deflecting the Vulcan's attempt at a nerve pinch and gaining the upperhand. Spock's communicator went off, though Steve doubted either man heard it, and Steve heard the voice at the other end yelling at Spock to spare Khan in order to save Captain Kirk with Khan's blood. Steve felt his own blood run cold and knew what he needed to do. Khan held Spock's head in his hands, and looked like he was trying to crush it with his bare hands. Steve moved behind Khan, and being very careful about his placement, gripped the nerve pinch area. Remembering his defense training, Steve kept the proper amount of pressure and watched Khan lose his grip and slump down, unconscious, onto the roof of the crate.

Spock turned his head to give Steve a questioning look and Steve sighed as he kept Khan in his sights. "You need to save your captain, Mr. Spock," Steve said simply.

* * *

In the end, Doctor McCoy used Steve's blood instead of Khan's, claiming that he didn't want to give Kirk anymore craziness than the other man already had. It didn't hurt that Steve had also let it slip that he was the original test subject Khan's biology was modelled after.

They had a grand trial for Khan and the rest of the crew who Steve was relieved to find had survived. There wasn't a lot of people willing to defend the man who caused all of the havoc wrought on San Francisco that day, although they were careful to mention everything that had happened on Khan's end.

Finally it was decided that Khan and the rest of the crew would be placed back in their cryochamber graves, and placed under Star Fleet custody instead of out in space once more.

Suspiciously, no one mentioned Steve Rogers' relation to the other supersoldiers.

* * *

Steve attends the one-year anniversary/re-christening of the Enterprise. He's in his formal dress, as well as the rest of the attendants, except he's also sitting with the rest of the crew. In light of his apparent years of experience and expertise, Chekov and Kirk manage to get Steve a spot as "ship librarian" for the Enterprise's full 5-year journey.

His official job is to keep track of all texts acquired, and to keep the crew literarily entertained while their out in space for such a long time. Unofficially, Kirk jokingly refers to him as Gramps (which Chekov, the little shit, takes a step forward and promotes Steve to Captain Gramps) and the main bridge-crew take turns coming down to bother him about the past and other trivial things.

Steve's still not exactly sure what he did to gain their friendship, he just knows that he really doesn't mind and would happily take this fate. As far as starting over again goes, when he's not stuck reminiscing, Steve fondly thinks that this life really isn't so bad.

Now if he could just stop himself from itching for his flag.

 _Fin_

 _Notes: I hope you all enjoyed! This was really annoying to churn out. Sorry if the end doesn't make sense, just send a review or PM and I'll try to answer any questions you may have! Thank you all so much for reading. I didn't expect many people would look at it given the rarity, but y'all proved me wrong so I appreciate it. Also, don't be afraid to critique, I kept changing things around because it felt OoC so any weirdness was my self-doubt._


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